Chips and Bloody Cheese..

What better way to decorate the back seat and carpet in your car? Chips and grated cheese...Bloody marvellous!! Sunday afternoon spent hoovering and wiping everywhere down in the car and this is what you find...I'm going ask if I can have a trailer on the back..
Amazing, just when you need to hoover the car it hammers down with rain all day..Ah well it was a thirty quid job and at least I got paid..
Tuesday night and I'm erring on the side of night off..Streets are empty and all you get is the hardened drinker taking home a belly full of beer and passing on their wisdom, in between burps and farts..

Not Tonight Mate!!!

As the inquest continues into the lack of comments on my blog...here's a subject to ' warm the cockles of your heart.' and maybe stir a few door-
mant emotions...
Doormen..Bouncers..Party Poopers...Thugs...Bully Boys...Yes you guessed it the unintelligent body mass standing between you and a good night out..
Here are a few of the excuses you will hear as you try in vain to get in your favoured haunt..tonight!!
Your hair is too long..or too short, We don't allow tattoos, You're wearing the wrong shoes..wrong trousers wrong shirt, no jeans, no T shirts, there's too many of you...Where you from? Where's your ID, We don't like your face..your girlfriend can come in but you can't..You're too drunk..not drunk enough..We barred you last week..Phew...Cause I'm in a bad mood and I need to impress the girls standing behind you..move on..I said move on..
Have they got massive chips on their shoulders..who would stand on a club door at the weekend with that look on their face that says ' I'm going to cock up your night..your weekend stops here '

Dual Badge..dual personality hee hee..

That's it, badge renewed for thee years...might it be my last one..who knows??
Got a dual badge now...what's all that about..ya mean I can drive a Hackney in the day and Private Hire by night or vice versa...why would I?  I think I said it before, Private Hire drivers have more fun and they do...
Big roly poly piece in my car last night...pink dressing gown and black and white spotted pyjamas, going to accident and emergency..you just wouldn't..couldn't stop shaking..couldn't stop laughing that was me..Then there's the drunken Irish guy..looking for the sanctuary of my cab...he smelled so strong of beer you'd think he'd had a bath in the stuff...different pick up place every time but never forgets where he lives..and the conversation is an education in itself..last night it was the internet..I think I flummoxed him when I asked him if he'd tried www.donkeyjacket and after paying me he staggered down his path with a puzzled expression on his face..Ahh roll on the weekend..

Monday Morning Aaaagh..

Got to get a new pair of shoes...seem to have worn the old ones out on the accelerator pedal..only fit for the bin now.
Been flying the flag for Private Hire Drivers since August..is it only London Cabbies  who twitter??? In this area the Hackneys do a lot of sitting around the station..can't be much fun..well there's too many of them..
Lot's of the Hackneys are joining the two main Private Hire companies, cause they can't make the job pay...Don't you wish the council would stop meddling with the taxi trade and let us get on with earning a crust..
Speaking of crusts...that's all it was this weekend, I might just as well turned counsellor to advise the damsels in distress..This weekends familiar theme was ' all men are control freaks ' it's the times we live in I think..
The guys seem to spend most of the night worrying who the girlfriends are talking too or looking at..than having a drink..It's amusing when I look in the rear view mirror and the couple in the back are sitting as far apart as they can giving each other dirty looks..it knocks the ' icebreaking ' on the head...

In Real Time...

Wednesday morning...Three days since the passing of one of my all time favourites comics, Sir Norman Wisdom. What a legend he was, I was brought up on his hilarious films and treasure my box set of his finest..
As a Manchester United fan I feel I should smile at the continuing demise of Liverpool  Football Club, a bitter rival but no club is safe today it's all about money and greed...
Attended a meeting with Licensing officers yesterday...talked about continuing bias towards Hackney cabs...excuses excuses...always looking for ' wriggle room ' to give the Private Hire Trade a hard time..

Hackney.... No Thanks...

Surveys carried out, admittedly rather crudely, will show that most fare paying customers in this neck of the woods prefer to use Private Hire cars than Hackney cabs...Why you might ask???
For a start the general perception is that Hackney cabs are more expensive...swings and roundabouts I say...and who wants to be picked up in a big black ugly thing, they say...
The powers that be say it's safer to travel by Hackney and they're easier to identify...I say there's a bias but it doesn't work...There's a more personal thing about using a car as opposed to a cab..maybe that's why the Hackneys are outnumbered by a ratio of four to one...in truth there are too many taxis on the road in Chester today and it impacts on the wages you can earn..try telling that to Cheshire West and Chester Council...they don't listen...
As is the case with most Licensing authorities throughout the country...they make their own rules up as they go along, taking little or no notice of the drivers..
For instance, The Hackneys in Chester commissioned their own survey, at great expense, to determine the need for extra cabs in the area and the results were ignored, the council opted for their own survey and today the ranks are overflowing mainly with new Hackneys some of the owners are struggling to make a living and make their monthly payments on brand new cabs....
For more years than I can remember Private Hire have had no say in what goes on and what rules are imposed on them. Last year I was instrumental with five other drivers in setting up our own Private Hire Association and we took up the cudgel in an effort to be heard...It's a long hard road and to date we only have a few minor concessions from a Licensing authority seemingly ' hell bent ' pushing both Private Hire and Hackney to the limit..

Hot Tips n Tricks...

When you travel...by plane or train...or take a bus, you pays your money up front..you buy a ticket and you get to go where you want...Try telling that to some people on a Friday or Saturday night...
We live in a time when some people want things for free and a taxi ride at the weekend is no exception...In seventeen years on the road I've had about a dozen fares do a runner..or do one without paying and when it's a good long job it hurts coming back to town empty handed...
Most people are okay when you ask for money up front appreciating that you have a living to make...a few take umbrage and you have an atmosphere all the way home..anyway you are comforted by the knowledge that you have the cash in your pocket and when they get out still grumpy...you suspect one or two might have tried to get away without paying...
The amateur psychologist in me helps me to weigh up and analyse punters in around ninety seconds before I take off my central locking, another must for the weekend...if they look dodgy or too pissed ie mistaking their ears for their mouth when eating their takeaway...they ain't getting in...

You HaveTo Laugh...

My generosity knows no bounds...Only the other night on my night off I went down to the Salvation Army Soup Kitchen to lend a hand...poor beggars I thought, you can't win though...It was getting late..." Come on " I said...
" Some of us have got homes to go to " all heart I know...
Now how do you get on the subject of sex therapists in your cab? Well I did and I learned that many in the profession recommend the best way to arouse a man is to lick his ear for ten minutes...Personally I think it's bollocks..
Here's a thought....Scousers take everything seriously.....No seriously they take everything...

Some People!!!!

When I see the actions of some passengers, late at night and full of beer and bravado...I have a wry smile to myself...
Picture the scene...Two stragglers in the taxi queue...thrown together perhaps because their friends have long gone home, or they're so drunk they became an embarrassment to them...big girl meets skinny boy and he's all smiles cause he got invited back to hers.
The mind boggles, as does his...they're in the back seat before you know it and snogging. I call it  'opal fruiting ' because it sounds like they're sharing a bag of chewy sweets...
We pull into the road where she lives and she opens her purse to pay, dropping what sounds like a bucket full of loose change on the floor in the back..They both get down on their knees fumbling around making sure to get every penny. I look round and she emerges, hair all sticking up and every bit of her flesh from the waist up flopping out for all to see...I wondered how she had managed to cram it all in her top at the beginning of the night...and certainly didn't fancy his job...Ha ha ha ha..

Chasing Your Tail...

Daytime driving is a monotonous drudge...traffic jams, hold ups tailbacks...buses, learner drivers..all go towards making it a stress....When night time comes , the road is yours to burn and the name of the game is ' get your job drop it off and back as quick as you can for another'...I mustn't tempt providence but there are not many taxi drivers with a clean licence these days...it's the nature of the game...quick thinking, quick reactions, a quick with and a damn good knowledge of your area..

Powers That Be.....

Affectionately known as Pinky and Perky...Mr Haslam and Mr Deakes were the licensing officers when I first got my badge. They were charged with keeping the drivers in line...making sure everybody kept to the rules and appearing on the streets every now and then to wag their finger at someone whose car needed a clean or the tread was getting low on their tyres...perhaps they had forgotten to put on their badge before starting work...Drivers would know to get it right next time and there was a mutual respect...

Today we are governed by a totally different regime who make up the rules as they go along.. Drvers need to be more savvy and on the ball...

The blanket ban on smoking in cars and public places has had a massive effect on many people not least taxi drivers and for some the job has become more stressful..

Bullshitters

 One of the ' perks' of being a taxi driver is getting to look at the scantily clad ladies in town at the weekend, I say, but you can look at the menu without selecting....Not according to some taxi drivers who would have you believe ' they didn't have any money so offered to pay in kind ' yeah right....

There's always someone who has earned more than you and delights in rubbing it in...then there's the guy who has had big job after big job and earned three times what you have when you've been out twice as long and it's been a quiet night yeah right..In one and out the other I say!!!

The Early Days....

Cut my teeth in the taxi trade in the office, answering the phones and giving out the jobs..On each six hour shift you would fluctuate from public enemy to drivers best friend.,.all goes to prove you can't please all the people all of the time.
I found myself in among a group of grumpy, cynical, hardened Hackney drivers and a couple of oddball operators...I  found myself batting off accusations of being biased and ' bent ' accepting favours in exchange for giving out good jobs...this was never the case, although it became a source of fun going along with one or two of the drivers....
Some of the names the drivers gave each other were amusing ,,,Pig Man..Rabbit Man...Poison Dwarf...Shovel Hands...to name a few..
It wouldn't be long before I could recognise each of the drivers voices...and many of the customers on the phone too...
' Taxi Drivers ' I was told were people who ' couldn't fit in or conform ' in a proper job...How right they were and after a year I aspired to be one of them...

Pet Hates..

Seventeen years of people, invading your space...in your car ..in your face.....What can be worse than four blokes, been for a curry, getting in your cab and one decides to practically shit his pants while they decide to argue who's guilty..your face is changing colour...

Then there's the ' know all ' thinks they know the shortest route and proceed to navigate their way while you grit your teeth at every turn. They end up paying more cause it's the long way...why do people confuse the fastest with the shortest...

I don't go for all the loud music, like to listen to a good news topic or phone in...' Turn the radio up driver..put some music on ' as they reach for the radio with their hands stinking of kebab meat...

In My Own Space In Time..

There's plenty to be said for being your own boss....for seventeen years I've been just that. A knight of the road to some, escorting old ladies home with their shopping by day and drunken revellers by night...Listening to the gossip and the moans and groans....and the male and female drink fuelled adventures in the small hours..

As a taxi driver, or private hire driver the official title, you clock up many thousand of miles...mostly in and around your own patch, mine being Chester in the North West of Britain...Give me a destination and I'll get you there.....